My First Lonely Ramadan

Having three sisters and a brother was always a challenge. A big household is always loud, entertaining and just plain crazy. Privacy was not allowed because basically the 175 meter flat you shared could not afford such luxuries. You never got to lie down on the living room couch, instead you had to sit upright and scootch to make room for other family members. Most of the time you were forced to watch on TV what the majority were watching. Your food choices were also decided by the majority. You often had to listen to five opinions at the same time if you wanted to share something.

I had gotten very accustomed to our loud, crowded home. I often hated it too. I sometimes just couldn't take any of the commotion, the TV on full blast, someone knocking on the bathroom urging you to speed up the process because they have to go too, the phone line that you never got to use because someone was always using it, your shared clothes, the huge amounts of chicken that you had to marinate, batter and fry to feed the entire household.

Living in a house with a lot of people is never easy, but living in a big house with just a few persons isn't easier. I just discovered that.

So two years ago we moved into a bigger flat. A much bigger one. The spacing inside the house was generous. Peace and quiet were words that people used to describe our house when they came to visit. The bathrooms were plenty. But in those two years, two of my siblings moved out to live with The Dad, one other got married. There was only one sister left, and ofcourse the mother. The transformation wasn't gradual. It was sudden. And I'm hating it.

I've started hating it most ever since Ramadan got here. Our Ramadans were different. We spent them stuffing Atayef together. A lot of girls in the kitchen, all together. Gathered around the table, chattering and stuffing a lot of atayef that we kept in the freezer all through ramadan, and fried in batches as needed. We watched the Yehia Fakharani soaps together, and displayed similar acts of emotion doing so. Watching the last episode together, and crying over the sad ending. Prayers was always done in jama'ah, you never worried about not having someone left to pray jama'ah with. Suhur was interesting, where one member of the family would go around with a giant jug of water, by all the beds, waking everyone up to have a drink, because naturally we would be unable to get up to have a proper suhur having to go to school and college and work the next day. We would take turns, on who would become the Sa'iya for the night.

This Ramadan is just very lonely. We don't really cook because there's no one really around to eat the food.

A pack of spaghetti lasts for three days. The house is always quiet. The beds have no one in them to wake up and give a drink of water to.

Fitting In.

Four days have passed since the start of my new job and tomorrow will be the end of the first week. So far I have conquered five out of the six other teachers that hang around in my staff room...

This has been done very simply. The idea is to be totally alert and focused. Keeping the sarcastic humor to a minimum, setting your smiling abilities to the maximum and never, ever complaining.

Lending a helpful hand in what you do best, also helps a lot. Today I helped someone type in the name tags. The day before I was helping with a cardboard display and before that I was drawing miniature stars. Doing that with a smile surely does get to them. Smiles can really be so deceptive.

So today I got an iftar invitation from one of the teachers. I was very flattered. This means my plan is working.

I don't think I'll be able to conquer the sixth teacher though. She seems to be living in a world of her own, keeping distance. So I'll just be happy with the five new friends I made... for now.

Starting next week. I'll be working on conquering the bus.

My Second Day at Work and How Lemonade Saved Me.

I didn't really want to talk about my new job but since I might be wanting to blog about things happening at work often, I decided to come clean and just tell you about it. I started work at a school. Grade two class teacher. Today was my second day at work.

Yesterday was my first day. Umm, duh.

So anyway, because the school is pretty close to where I live, and because my freelancing jobs have pretty much disappeared for a few months now, and because they'll be providing transportation, I decided to go back to the dreaded. And work as a teacher. At a school. Again.

Not that I hate teaching. Nope. I love teaching. It's teaching at a school that I hate. Because I've hated school ever since Kindergarden when I was left alone on the first day. Wearing my sorry pink uniform and crying like I'd lost my mom for good. I've hated school because of the girl with red lips who constantly rolled her eyes at me. I've hated school because of having to get up early and wearing itchy scratchy stockings. I hated it when I needed to raise my hand and ask for permission to go pee, in front of the whole class. I hated maths lessons and the fact that art lessons seemed to last only three minutes. I hated the kids that bullied me and the evil teacher that made me stand up in my chair and wear a hat that spelled "Dunce" when I lost my Science Homework. I hated the "A" students, the goodie goodies, that always managed to get me in trouble with the teachers. I hated the rules.

Yep school wasn't a good time for me.

So naturally I would feel intimidated starting work at a school and having a trip down memory lane. I decided that I would try a different approach this time, and actually try and be a goodie-two-shoes myself. Just to find out what the fuss is about. Like following the rules, getting great appraisals ... and the like.

So because I spent my first day just observing others and trying to learn what to do. I decided that the second day I should go ahead and try and get something done. Naturally, I decided to just do what I do best to try and make an impression. That would be art. So being a classroom teacher for primary two yellow, I was supposed to create a yellow theme to decorate the class. Most importantly, the classroom door. So thinking "yellow", I immediately thought "lemons" and thinking lemons I immediately thought "Lemonade."

And that my friends, is how I came up with the idea of the giant lemonade pitcher with the sliced floating lemons inside that carried the student's names.

Using white, red, green and a lot of yellow Canson paper sheets.. After a lot of snipping and tracing, my masterpiece was complete. Gained so much popularity in so little time, teachers from other staff rooms came to have a look and my giant paper lemonade pitcher with the floating lemons. I had succeeded in bedazzling them all, for now.

I figured that if I keep up my artsy spirit, they would be too blinded to see the truth about me.

More mistakes?

So now that a lot of people know about my blog I'm beginning to regret telling people about it. The thing is I cannot get too personal even if I wanted to. I have often had thoughts and events that I wanted to blog about but couldn't because I was just too worried a specific person would read and then they'd know something that I didn't want them to know. Now its gotten pretty annoying because sometimes I just want to bitch about someone or something or I want to be angry or happy or maybe I just want to talk about something that would be considered a taboo. Or maybe I should just go back to writing in my journal. But even that is risky because its very possible that I might die someday before I have the chance to burn it and then someone would snatch it and read and read and read about all my deep dark secrets. I'm not feeling very functional today. My brain is whizzed and I think I should get to bed. Whizzed? Why the hell have I even using this word???

Maybe I'll start a new anonymous blog that I won't tell anyone about. Then I can seriously write whatever I want to talk about and no one will know its me. Being anonymous does indeed piss a lot of people off. We always want to find out about things we cannot find out about.

I've been feeling Satan buzzing around me for the past week urging me sin. I'm sure he wants to get me to pile up on the sins before he gets chained up during Ramadan, then he can pick where he left off when he's free again. I hate you ..my Satan...wherever you are........... YOU SUCK!! My Satan did indeed succeed in making me sin several times and I hate him for that and I hate myself for letting him get to me.

I'm so happy Ramadan is happening tomorrow. Life is good when you have a chance to wash away some of the darkness that has been obscuring the heart.

I really want to be a good Muslim.

Ummah Films

I was introduced to these by a very close friend of mine. Very unique and entertaining da'wa by Baba Ali. Mashallah may Allah bless him. Click on the title to see his videos.

The Egyptian Driving Exam

Most Egyptians take the easy way out to get a driver's license in Cairo. They either find a family friend with authority who gets it for them, or give the 3askari who hangs around the place 500LE, who also gets it for them. Those who cannot afford the 500LE or do not have a family member with authority are forced to take the Exam.

I do not have a family member with authority and would rather spend 500LE on shoes, so I decided to do it the hard way and actually take the exam. Most people advised against it. The chances of passing are usually very low. But if I had taken the easy way out, how would I know I passed if I never really took the exam? Confusing? Maybe.... if you're Egyptian you shouldn't find this too difficult to process.

So sitting in the car with shaky knees, I tried to urge other drivers to get ahead of me in line. Until one guy yelled at me, "What are you getting away from! You'll eventually have to take the exam!" ....Good point.

How I managed to get my shaky legs to work the car and get into the examination point, I don't know. All I knew was that I had this strange faith in God that was overwhelming me. I knew I couldn't really do it. I knew that I was a crappy driver. I knew that I was a bundle of nerves. I knew that I was going to fail, but I also knew that I didn't really know anything. That God knew all, and that God was going to make me pass this thing. Right?

So driving through the reclining S-shaped track, marked by bright orange cones... I kept my foot on the brakes to keep the car from going too fast, and during the inclining S-shaped track,also marked by bright orange cones... I kept my foot on the gas to keep my car from reversing. We drove in a very long line. Stopping and moving. Often, a driver who knocks over a cone, gets yelled at and shooed out of the exam area, while the others watch in horror and wonder if they are next. I kept my eyes focused on the cones. They do paint them orange for a reason.

So, came my turn, the dreaded car reversing test.

Reversing in a U-shape? Is that even possible? At this point I was already convinced that I knocked over three cones, even though no one came to yell at me and shoo me out, even though none of the cones were knocked over. I still pretended that it wasn't me who knocked them over. What kind I say? Bundle of nerves indeed.

As I was driving into the U-shape, I got closer to the entrance, or rather, the exit. The exit from this horrible place that made my heart beat so quickly and my knees so wobbly. Suddenly someone with authority was yelling at a bunch of people who had gathered around the exit. Watching their loved ones during the exam. Cheering. Motioning signals. Yelling. Cheering some more. Egyptians can be so cute.

The guy shooed them all out, they had gotten on his nerves, obviously. He wanted to keep it scary, and solemn. He closed the giant iron door that separated us from the outside world. Barked some more orders. Then came up to me and barked "Reverse the car!!!!"

YESSSS SIRRRR!!

So my jelly legs reversed the car and got out of the place as fast as I could. I didn't even try and look back at the flash of orange that I left dancing. I got out of the iron door. I wanted to get away from the yelling man and the hideous orange cones that decided my fate. I'm sure they paint them orange for a reason.

When I got out of the car, I was told to go gather my papers. And believe it or not, I passed with flying colors.

You Know You Haven't Gone Out in a Long Time When..

- The last movie you saw at the cinema plays on MBC 2.
- The shisha menu shows new flavors such as Cola and Bubble Gum. When you comment everyone at the table looks at you and says, "They've been there for a while!"
-You actually look forward to a trip to the supermarket.
-You have lots of clothes that you love but never really get to wear.
-Your shoes are always spotless.
-You find yourself wanting to dress up when your friends tell you to meet for coffee. Stilettos and a sparkle top.
-You start being the cat's favorite person in the house.
-Your salary hangs around for a very long time.

Paprika, the Japanese Anime!

If you are a Japanese Anime and dreaming fan. If you loved Spirited Away. If you hate reality and would rather live in your dream world. You'll defiantly love this. The whole movie was just mesmerizing. I loved the colors, details, characters, twists and turns. This movie about dreaming has satisfied my twisted passions. Of course if you are the kind of person who yawns when someone starts telling you their dreams, don't bother watching it. Will probably leave you feeling very confused. I ,however, have loved every second.

And oh yes, the movie is not suitable for children;)

Three things happened today that made me very happy

I'm not going to tell what they are. I'm just going to be happy about them happening at the right time.

Alhamdoelah.