Yes, fasting is tiring. Yes, my mornings and nights are all messed up. Yes, I don't get enough sleep. Yes, I'm tired of cooking and the fact that my life revolves around the moment of iftar. I'm tired of the Egyptian soaps and sitcoms (although thank Allah I managed to avoid them, but they still manage to find me when I'm flipping through Jezira Documentary and Space Toon). I'm tired of my stomach growling before iftar, and being severely bloated after iftar (Even if I eat little, I still feel bloated). I miss my morning caffeine dose that I can't have at night, unless I'm asking for a bed bug battle. I'm tired of the crazy sugar cravings I get after iftar. I'm tired of stuffing my face during the night because I know that during the day I'm not gonna have any. I'm tired of feeling super dehydrated and thirsty when it's only 12 o'clock.
But I'm not tired of Ramadan. I love the fact that my Satan is all chained up while I enjoy my life with him not being in it. That, is worth everything. I love the peace and serenity that surround people. The fact that Subhan Allah, the moon phases are so vivid, like a counter, telling us that Ramadan is going to be over very soon. I love the warmth of family. I love the union, of so many people fasting, and so many people breaking their fast at the same second. I love the joy I feel when I put the first morsel of food in my mouth, and the do'aa I murmur doing so that I know for sure will be granted. I love that my Satan doesn't come to me when I pray. He doesn't whisper anything in my ear that pisses me off or gets me to do something I don't wanna do. I love the fact that our house is always full of zikr and Quran recitations. I love the fact that poor people enjoy generous helpings of food during this month, and so when I eat, I don't worry about others not having this blessing.
In a few days, it will all be over, and I will have to wait for a whole year for it to happen again. Satan will be back, with his pride, hate, envy and every other wretched quality that horrible creature has. I'm going to fight him at first, but as usual, he is more patient, and will eventually get the best of me.
Then Ramadan will come back, and I'll be okay again.
